So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
try to milk me bitch
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
