Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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