Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize