If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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