You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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