Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
