What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
