i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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