So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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