When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
