he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize