I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
