There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
