it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
