a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
