to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
