??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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