Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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