A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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