Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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