I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
