I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
