I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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