and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
