also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
