and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
