STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
