I cannot find my penis.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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