Im at strip club and am horny
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Need sex. Gaining weight.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
