How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my shit smells like andre
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just want to make out with him forever
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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