There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
