I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
