we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
