how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
