So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
