Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
