i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
