Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
