hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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