I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
