Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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