yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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