he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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