I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
