My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
