If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
