i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize