I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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