But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
