does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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