I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
