I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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