does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was confusing and full of hummus
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
