apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
