Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's blow job season.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
