Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
