I think I won the penis lottery.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
