i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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