I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm always down for nudity.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
