im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
