You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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