My sheets look like a crime scene.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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